Being Known Read online

  “What smells so good? Did you make your mom’s peanut butter cookies, Jennalyn? Wait. I don’t see them. Where are they? Are you hiding them?”

  As if on cue, the timer on the oven chimed, and I reached for my favorite pie-shaped oven mitts to pull out the two cookie sheets.

  “Yum!” Sierra said. “I love coming to your house.”

  “Me too.” Emily moved the spoon rest on the top of the stove so I would have room to put down both cookie sheets.

  “I brought tea.” Christy pulled several fancy-looking boxes of loose tea from her large bag.

  “Oh, I almost forgot!” Sierra headed for the front door and called over her shoulder, “I brought something for everyone. I’ll be right back.”

  Christy lined up the boxes of tea. I pulled the carton of milk from the refrigerator and poured some into my largest glass pitcher. Emily retrieved several glasses from the cupboard. I loved it when my friends made themselves at home in my kitchen. It was the closest I ever felt to my secret dream of having a bunch of sisters.

  Sierra returned with a large shopping bag. “I washed them already, but we might want to give them another rinse since they’ve been in my trunk for a few weeks.” She placed the bag on the counter and pulled out five vintage-looking mugs with different initials in a curvy font on each of them.

  “I couldn’t believe I found one for each of us,” Sierra said. “J, C, T, E, and S. They were supposed to be everyone’s Christmas presents.”

  “We’ll just pretend you’re extremely early this year,” Christy said.

  “Eleven months early!” Sierra laughed.

  “Our initials!” Emily reached for hers. “These are cute. Thank you, Sierra.”

  “I thought maybe we could keep them here,” Sierra said. “If you have room in your cupboard and don’t mind, Jennalyn. That way we’ll always have our own mugs whenever we come over.”

  “Of course I don’t mind. There’s room. I’ll keep them on one of the upper shelves.”

  Emily already was rinsing the mugs under steaming hot water in the sink.

  “Oooh! Nice-looking tea boxes,” Sierra said. “What’s this? Mint? Could be nice. Green tea? Not usually my cuppa tea. Lapsa—can’t pronounce ya—so, no. And what’s this one? Assam. I’ve had this one before. It’s good with milk.” Sierra looked up at me, her flowing curly blond hair doing a delayed swish. “Please tell me you have milk.”

  “Right here. And the water’s hot. Should we make one pot or several?”

  “Let’s make them all!” Sierra’s typically high-octane energy seemed to be set on full blast tonight.

  I pulled down four mismatched teapots and wondered what might pop out of Sierra’s mouth next. She had managed to come across as obtrusive to each of us at some point, but we all found it easy to forgive her because she didn’t have a drop of malice in her. Her words were like streamers of colorful, flighty ideas, and her opinions fluttered about wildly. They might give you a friendly thwap in the face, but they never were intended to hurt anyone.

  Sierra had dared me to try new things and dream about using my love of painting for more than a hobby. I both envied and treasured her enthusiasm for life.

  A soft tapping sounded at the front door, and Sierra rushed off to get it. “Tess should know by now she can just come in.”

  Tall, graceful Tess entered the kitchen with her arm linked through Sierra’s. Her toasty brown skin and ocean-colored eyes gave her an exotic appearance that Emily once said made her seem mysterious until she got to know her. Even as a single young professional, Tess was one of us, heart to heart. She never seemed to feel excluded from our mommy conversations. We were the big sisters she never had and always wanted.

  Tonight she was wearing a chunky, long fisherman’s knit sweater and skinny jeans with a beautiful brightly colored headband scarf to keep her long dark hair back from her face. The ends of the scarf hung down her back, making her lovely looking from all angles. She always was her own best advertisement for her career as a personal stylist.

  “Perfect timing, Tess.” Christy was drying the mug with the fancy “T” on the front and handed it to her. “Sierra brought one for each of us. And we have some interesting tea from Aunt Marti.”

  “I love it!” Tess examined her mug. “Where did you find these, Sierra?”

  “One of the vintage shops I go to in Orange. Not the one in the circle. It’s one that’s on the same street as the Victorian house that’s being renovated.”

  “I don’t know where that is,” Tess said. “You’ll have to take me sometime. I have a new client who is crazy about vintage jewelry. I need some new shopping spots to find what she wants. Right now she’s into anything that’s art deco.”

  “Can I confess something?” Emily asked.

  We all turned to her with matching looks of surprise. I couldn’t imagine our sweet Emily having anything in her life that she needed to confess.

  “Sometimes I wish you could tell us who your clients are. I know you have to keep your list confidential. It’s just that, knowing you have a job dressing people who are wealthy and famous makes me so curious whenever you mention them.”

  “Me too,” Sierra agreed. “I’m always wondering who you’re hanging out with.”

  Tess reached for one of the warm cookies I had transferred to a fancy plate on the counter. “It’s not really the way you’re imagining it to be. Most of the people I work with aren’t well known.”

  We all seemed to be studying her, deciding if she was trying to underwhelm us as a way of protecting her clients. Christy and I exchanged glances. I was pretty sure Christy was thinking what I was thinking. What we really wanted to hear Tess talk about was not one of her clients. We wanted to hear about the guy she went on a date with.

  “What about the nonclients?” Christy asked with a touch of mischief in her tone. “Is there anyone you would like to tell us about?”

  Tess’s countenance changed. She gave Christy a “hush” sort of expression and took a dainty nibble of her cookie.

  Sierra perked up. “I saw that. What does Christy know that we don’t? Tess, have you met someone?”

  Tess looked away.

  “You have, haven’t you? You met someone.” Emily leaned in. “Tell us.”

  Tess lifted her chin. Her gaze swept the circle, as if she was inviting all of us into her secret even though she should be keeping her lips sealed.

  “Well…” Tess looked at me, and I raised my eyebrows curiously.

  “Oh, this is gonna be good,” Sierra said. “Quick! Everybody pour your tea, and somebody grab the plate of cookies. We need to be on the couch to hear this.”

  The five of us clicked into our women-sharing-the-kitchen rumba with ease. In record time our new mugs were filled and we were settled on the two facing sofas, with cookies in hand. All eyes were on Tess, who had been assigned the recliner.

  “I don’t know if I should say anything.” Tess leaned back with her long legs crossed and both her hands bent around her mug of Assam tea.

  “How about if we guess, and you can just nod?” Sierra asked.

  Christy playfully started with, “Is he tall, dark, and handsome?”

  Tess hesitated, staring into her tea before relinquishing a small nod.

  “What’s his name?” Emily asked.

  “I can’t say.”

  “Let’s just call him Guy,” I suggested.

  “Are you going out with Guy?” Sierra asked.

  Tess looked up. “No. Absolutely not.”

  “But I thought you had coffee with him last week,” Christy said.

  Emily and Sierra looked at Christy as if trying to figure out why she had the inside scoop.

  “I thought when you texted that you couldn’t come to dinner with everyone, it was because you were meeting a guy.” Christy looked ar
ound. “Was that not a group text?”

  Tess shook her head.

  “Sorry!”

  “It’s fine, Christy.” Tess adjusted her headband scarf. “I wasn’t sure whether I should say anything tonight.”

  “Why?” Sierra asked.

  “Because it’s…”

  We all waited.

  “Okay,” she said. “I’ll tell you guys, but let me say what I have to say first, before you give me any advice. Promise?”

  “Promise,” we all echoed.

  “I had coffee with Guy last week, but it wasn’t like what you’re thinking…” Tess hesitated. “I met him in October because he was a client assigned to me. The network he was with hired me to style him, but then the production he was in didn’t get picked up for the next season.”

  “Would we know him?” Sierra asked.

  Emily nudged Sierra and whispered, “We just promised we wouldn’t ask questions.”

  “No, we didn’t,” Sierra whispered back. “We promised we wouldn’t give advice.”

  “I don’t mind if you ask questions,” Tess said. “The answer is, yes. You might know him. He’s not currently working on anything, though.”

  We waited to see if she wanted to give us any more details.

  “He’s smart and funny and good looking. We go to the same church. And…”

  “Are you going to see him again?” Sierra asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You sound interested in him,” Sierra said. “If he asked you to coffee, he must be interested in you.”

  Tess pressed her lips together and looked down. We all waited for her to respond. She lifted her chin and finished her earlier sentence. “And…he’s married.”

  Chapter 5

  Tess held up her palm like a stop sign. “Before any of you say anything, it’s not what you think. We’re not seeing each other. We’re not anything. Just friends. Colleagues. His wife left him last fall and moved across country. He’s trying to figure out what to do.”

  “Do you know why she left?” Sierra asked.

  Tess shifted in her seat and paused, staring into her mug of tea while the rest of us shot glances at each other.

  “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to,” Emily said.

  “No, I do. I want to talk about it. I need to. I’ve been wanting to tell all of you, but I knew this conversation had to be in person. Not as one of our long group texts.” Tess sat up a little straighter. “The reason his wife left is because she doesn’t agree that he should keep pursuing a career in LA after the show was cancelled. The last few years were overwhelming for both of them. She wants him to go into a different line of work so he can spend more time with her and their daughter.”

  I glanced over at Christy. She caught my gaze and held it for a moment. The circumstances sounded similar to what I’d told her last week about Joel working long hours for so many months. I couldn’t imagine ever leaving Joel or making a demand that he abandon his career. However, I did understand the pain and frustration. I imagined the pressure would be escalated unbearably for someone in the film industry.

  “He’s good at what he does,” Tess said. “I have to say, though, I see his wife’s side on this. The show he was on was grueling. I don’t know how he kept at it for so long.”

  My brain spun through all the possible shows where a good-looking actor had done “grueling” work for the past few years. I assumed the other DOEs were doing the same.

  Tess took a demure sip of tea and returned the new mug to her lap. “He thinks he should wait it out and see what might open up. I can see why he would want to do that. It seemed like a reasonable next step, but then his wife gave him an ultimatum. She said that if he doesn’t leave California to be with her, she’s going to file for divorce.”

  “How long ago did she say that?” Sierra asked.

  “Two weeks.”

  “And he’s still here? Without work?”

  Emily nudged Sierra.

  “What? It’s a question.” Sierra looked around the circle and turned back to Tess. “Sorry. I’ll be quiet. Go ahead. Just say what you want.”

  “All I know is that at first he was going to leave California and try to reconcile. Then last week he decided to stay. At least for now. The way he sees it, he thinks it might be best to let her take the next step and file because she’s been unhappy for a long time.”

  Tess leaned forward. “Please don’t anybody say anything about how unhappiness shouldn’t be grounds for divorce. I know that. And before you ask, as far as I know, there was no unfaithfulness or abuse or anything that would be considered an understandable reason for two Christians to end their marriage.”

  Tess leaned forward even more and said, “And don’t quote the verse from the Old Testament about how God hates divorce. He already heard that from his brother, and now he feels like he doesn’t have anyone he can talk to. Except me.”

  The room was quiet.

  Tess added firmly, “I’m a friend he can talk to. That’s all.”

  I don’t know if it was the mama bear in me or the concerned big sis, but I knew I had to say something and say it as gently as possible. “Tess, please be careful.”

  “I know. I am. Like I said, we’re not seeing each other. I’m just a neutral person he can talk to.”

  “You might not be as neutral as you think,” Christy said.

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because you know a lot about his situation.”

  “I do. But I’m still neutral.”

  Christy looked skeptical. “I don’t know if a woman in your position can ever be neutral when the guy is in the middle of such a big decision.”

  Tess tilted her head and pressed her lips together. It was her politely frustrated expression. We had all seen it before.

  “I’m sorry,” Christy said. “I shouldn’t have—”

  “Will everyone stop apologizing?” Tess spouted. “Just talk to me. I want to hear what you have to say. I do see your point, Christy. Talking with him and meeting for coffee might be taken in the wrong way.”

  “Do you think he’s considering something more for the two of you down the road?” Emily asked.

  “I don’t know. I don’t know what he’s thinking.”

  “But you do know what you’re thinking,” Christy said. “Or I should say, what you’re feeling.”

  “What are you getting at?” Tess asked.

  “I’m saying, based on what you’re feeling, how was it last week when you met for coffee?” Christy asked. “Did it feel like a date?”

  Tess thought for a moment. Her expression made it clear that the answer was yes. “Listen, I would be dishonest with myself and all of you if I didn’t admit that, yes, I am attracted to him. But I never would act on it. And I never would do anything that made him think I was…” Tess stopped.

  “That you were what?” Sierra asked.

  “Available. Interested.” Tess looked frustrated. “But then, I guess I already made that clear when I agreed to meet with him.”

  “I just wonder,” Emily said. “Do you think it might be easier for him to walk away from a difficult marriage if it meant he could have a chance to be with you?”

  Tess’s lips parted, but she didn’t say anything.

  Sierra put her mug on a coaster with a decisive thump. “I have to say something.”

  I hoped that whatever popped out of Sierra’s mouth would be helpful and not one of her well-meaning bursts of passion.

  “Okay. Bring it,” Tess said with a half-smile, which made me feel like however the rest of this conversation went, it was going to be okay.

  “I want to say that I don’t think it’s fair for him to pursue you while he and his wife are trying to figure out their relationship. It sounds like he’s putting you in t
he middle and looking to you as a future possibility. That could end up shifting his decision-making onto you.”

  “What do you mean?” Tess asked.

  “He could end up saying, ‘If I leave her, will you be with me?’ That rolls all the weight of his final decision onto you.”

  Tess shook her head. “No. It’s not like that.”

  “Maybe not,” Sierra said. “But I have to say I would feel differently right now if you were sitting here telling us that you met a guy whose marriage fell apart, he’s no longer legally married, he’s ready to move on, and he would like to get together with you for coffee. That would be different than his using you to help him to process this huge life decision while he’s still married.”

  “He’s not using me,” Tess said defensively.

  “Okay, maybe that isn’t the right word. He’s stuck, though. He needs to make some enormous decisions about his career and his marriage. I think it’s better for you if he makes those choices on his own. Without the possibility of a relationship with you being a factor.”

  “So, you’re saying I shouldn’t even talk to him until he figures out what he’s going to do.”

  “That’s definitely an option.” Sierra’s tone softened. “I care too much about you to see you caught up in something that could really be painful.”

  “I feel the same way,” Emily said. “We all want you to be with someone who’s worthy of you.”

  “What does that even mean?” Tess’s eyes narrowed, and she put her mug on the coffee table. “Do any of you really think there’s some guy out there who is my age or older who hasn’t been through a breakup or divorce? Every man I’ve met in the past ten years has come out of some sort of messed-up previous relationship.”

  She pushed up the sleeves on her bulky sweater. “I’ve heard all your love stories. It wasn’t complicated for you because you were all young when you met your spouses. None of you can know what this is like for me.”

  “You’re right,” Emily said tenderly. “We don’t know what it’s like.”

  Tess seemed to be blinking back a few tears that were threatening to come out of hiding. “It just gets really lonely sometimes.”